The Poodle Cut

Posted on October 13, 2008
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i had no idea that when i gave liame to the surgeon i would end up taking a poodle home. could they have shaved more hair off this poor dog?

as you can see liame is healing well. there has been no swelling around his stitches and i have managed to keep him from pulling them out. he hasnt had any limping - even after the removal of his pain patch. the doctor has OKed him to go back to work with me as long as there isnt any jumping or running. ive been preparing him for the canine good citizen test by leaving him alone at my desk for short time periods. this is going to come in handy tomorrow when i have to place him on “restricted duty” (no running, jumping) per instructions from the doctor. i dont think he knows that liame doesnt do any of that at work anyway since they are two completely inappropriate behaviors for service dogs.

liame is starting to develop the initial stages of separation anxiety and i have been working on trying to keep it from going into full blown separation anxiety. i was hoping to give liame another couple of days of rest but neil decided he just couldnt take liames separation issues for the next 4 days. he has no idea that separation anxiety is the hardest behavior to treat in dogs. unfortunately this issue has developed due to a multitude of factors, most of which are out of my control. however, with time and dedication i know i can solve this problem.

Puppy Projectiles

Posted on October 3, 2008
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i used to travel around with jasper and liame in the back of the car without a barrier up. jasper would be free to roam around in the back and liame was in his crate so that he didnt try to play with jasper while i was driving or chew/eat anything when left to himself for a few minutes. i frequently listen to the good dog podcast and there was an episode about dog car safety. once i learned that my poor pooches could become a couple thousand pound projectiles i started to get a little freaked out. but when they stated in the podcast that most dogs not killed in crashes are killed during rescue attempts because they are so scared that they have a tendency to bolt out the door and into traffic that sealed the deal for me. i know that if i lost them either way and could have prevented it from happening i would NEVER EVER be able to forgive myself. so as of monday, liame has been riding in the car in his dog seat belt harness. i had originally bought one a long time ago for jasper but it was a pain in the a$$ to use so i returned it. the one i bought on monday is a snap. you can keep it plugged into the seat belt base and then using a carabiner easily clip him in and out. you can even use the harness that the carabiner clips to as a walking/sensation harness. although jasper isnt traveling much in the car now adays, i bought him one too just incase. i need to keep my boys and my investment in my future safe.

I Still Love You My Floppy Eared Boyfriend!

Posted on October 1, 2008
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jasper peed on the floor again this morning. it was my fault for not taking him out immediately upon waking (i thought since he had already been out a couple hours earlier we would be OK for 20 minutes while i fed him - big mistake). he has been taking a diuretic for his congestive heart failure and its making him pee like a race horse. its like all of a sudden he cannot hold it anymore. i never see any pre potty rituals going on before these “water breaks” happen. he never went to the bathroom inside the house until they started giving him the meds for his heart problem. its so sad because i try to not make a big deal out of it but he seems so embarrassed (he goes as far away from me as he can, he hangs his head down low, wont look at me, submissively grins at me, etc). i know its not his fault but i dont think he knows that i know. i still love you jasper, no matter how many times you pee in my house, and dont you ever forget it my floppy eared boyfriend.

Mary McNeight, CCS

Posted on September 29, 2008
Filed Under Class, Firsts, Things That Make Me Smile, Things That Make Me Want To Cry | Leave a Comment

the boss I loved so dearly was just fired today. no one really knows why. this is not good news. i hope it wasnt for helping to accommodate me. i wish him the best of luck in this job market.

we passed our test! i am now Mary McNeight, CCS. actually if you want to get technical about it, im really Mary McNeight, BGS, CCS. isnt it interesting that i havent been crediting myself with my bachelors degree from the university of michigan but am marking my name now with a CCS, like somehow my bachelors degree isnt relevant anymore? anyway… i am tracking my hours training Liame (and Jasper) and I am over half way there to qualifying for CPDT. at least I have something to fall back upon if I was to get fired too.

One More Absence And You Could Be Terminated

Posted on August 26, 2008
Filed Under Care, Firsts, Mistakes, Mitigating Symptoms, Things That Make Me Want To Cry, Todays Mood | Leave a Comment

my boss sat me down yesterday and gave me a formal warning about my attendance. in all honesty, i was kind of expecting something to be said about it due to the fact that i am frequently sick. the thing that really surprised me was that this entire time i thought that making up the time by working late the next couple of days or working on a saturday negated the fact that i was absent because i was getting my work done. apparently i was in the wrong. they want someone who consistently shows up to work every day. at this point with my current health status i dont know if i can do that and am really worried about losing my job. depression and immunity are intertwined and unfortunately very unpredictable - thats why its called a disability. they have asked me to get with my doctor and come up with a plan to help with the anxiety attacks (i think because they finally witnessed the full blown one last week) and come up with a plan to try and improve my health. last september my doctor told me that i should go to a rheumatologist because my sedimentation rate was high and i had been getting sick over and over again. i sort of stuck my fingers in my ears and decided that i just didnt want to know anything more about anything that could be wrong with me. its enough to have 4 major health problems, i dont need another one. but now i guess i am forced to find out what is wrong and come up with a plan to start feeling better. in all honesty i was hoping that they would just understand that immunity in depressed people is f uped and try to accommodate me by flexing my schedule when i get sick. i thought thats what they were supposed to do but in all honesty i am now swimming in unknown territory. i will play by their rules right now and provide them with the doctors information they are requesting since they have been so accommodating in the past. im just hoping that in the mean time, that if the “you have one more unexplained absence and your terminated rule” is just a threat and wont become a reality. its not like i am playing hookie here people, i have been legitimately sick. im never 100% even several days after a sick day. when i come in after being sick most people dont even want to be around me because i look and sound so horrible and they dont want to catch anything. im worried and dont know what to do. i will be doing some research on this level of accommodation because right now i know that my only weapon at this point is knowledge. i will share the information i have gathered with you bloggers because i GUARANTEE you, if you have depression, you WILL run into this issue at some point with your employer too.

Full Blown Shut Down, Stare Into Space, Drunken Body Movements Panic Attack

Posted on August 22, 2008
Filed Under Care, Firsts, Jasper, Mistakes, Mitigating Symptoms, Things That Make Me Want To Cry, Todays Mood | Leave a Comment

i had an anxiety attack at work yesterday. i dont have normal oh my god im going to die, my heart is going to explode, cinematic anxiety attacks, i have shut down zombie stare at the walls, absolute brain and body shutdown attacks. i had no medication available since i took it to go to the dentist on monday and forgot to refill my bag and liame was not trained to help me like jasper is. when i finally made it to the ground liame came over to me, tried to play with me for a couple of minutes and then decided he had other things to concentrate on. it took me a long time to come out of it enough to be able to just pack up my things and head home. liame practically dragged me out of the building, stumbling and bumbling all the way like some drunk trying to walk the line. ive had attacks at work before but thanks to medication and jasper i have never gone into a full blown shut down, stare into space, drunken body movements panic attack. it was weird that no one said anything to me while it was happening but i could tell that people were staring. i still cant help but be embarrassed by it.

Yet Another Blow

Posted on August 17, 2008
Filed Under Care, Jasper, Things That Make Me Want To Cry | 1 Comment

we were dealt another blow yesterday. jasper was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. for the last several months he has been panting without exertion. we thought it was the heat getting to him so we bought him an air conditioner so that he would be comfortable in the house during his retirement. a couple of nights ago, while the ac was running and it was a comfortable 72 degrees in the room, i saw jasper breathing fast while he was asleep. the same day, i noticed jasper coughing after he barked. having the semi quasi medical background that i do, i knew those symptoms meant that he probably had congestive heart failure and immediately made an appointment with the vet. his xrays confirmed that his heart was indeed enlarged and he had fluid in his lungs. the doctor said that if he didnt respond to the medication he had 3-6 months left but that if he does he could have 2 years. i really dont know how to feel right now.

Maybe He Will “Magically” Pick Up On My Mood

Posted on August 11, 2008
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i fear the dentist so much that i literally get sick the day before going to the dentist, the day of the appointment and the day after the appointment. i was tortured by my childhood dentist who would never believe me that one shot of novacane was never enough to dull the pain of the drill. normally i bring jasper with me even though i am medicated since he tends to provide a calming influence when i am panicked and can sit in the corner when i am not. i remember the last time i got a cleaning it started hurting a bit and i started to get nervous and hyperventilate. i had my headphones on and was trying not to go into full blown panic attack when the hygienist stopped what she was doing and tapped me on the shoulder and said, “your dog is acting funny”. i didnt have time to even respond to the comment because at that very moment jasper stuck his big old wet nose under my hand and forced it up in his way that says “pet me mommma”. i will never ever ever forget that moment for the rest of my life because he was never trained to respond to the type of panic attack i was having. i was having a heart racing, im going to die panic attack and he was trained to deal with the zombie panic attacks i normally have (where i dont freak out, i just shut down and stop functioning). although i didnt specifically train him for this type of panic attack, i think he was able to associate my normal pre panic attack behavior with this panic attack and respond in the manner he was trained to.

i took liame with me to the emergency dentist appointment i had today. i wish i could say that he did the same thing jasper did but he didnt. i went into full blown im going to die, crying like a small child panic attack mode and liame just sat in the corner doing nothing. liame did nothing because i havent trained him to do anything yet. most of the specialized training that i have to do with him cant really happen until he is a bit older. right now we are still working on dont eat everything you see on the sidewalk and dont jump up on people. according to the trainers i have spoken with at guide dogs, they dont start specialized training until around a year and a half old because they have to learn socialization and basic obedience in order to lay the foundation for the more advanced training requirements. in all honesty there was a little part of me that hoped that liame would somehow “magically” pick up on my panic attack without any training but obviously that was a foolish idea, these dogs really do need to be trained.

More Details About The Diagnosis

Posted on July 18, 2008
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apparently there is sclerotic bone on the MCP and a step (where the coronoid process is higher than normal). the doctor recommended rest, low impact exercise (swimming), keeping giving him the glucosamine chondroitin i currently have him on and to keep him slim. i asked about flax seed oils and he said it sounded OK. im thinking i might give him coconut oil too because it has been shown to reduce inflammation. infact i am thinking about changing his entire diet to a raw only diet. ive heard that in general they are very good for dogs but know nothing about how it might affect his FCP. this is the raw diet i will be feeding him

Weve Been Dealt A Devastating Blow

Posted on July 17, 2008
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weve been dealt a devastating blow. quote from the note the doctor says “his elbow films are suggestive of some mild elbow dysplasia.” personally i wouldnt call limping after a 15 minute walk “mild,” the doctor didnt have time to talk with me about the diagnosis and a treatment plan because he had to head into surgery but from what i could get out of the nurse the type of dysplasia was FCP (fragmented medial coronoid process). i spent a good hour in the car crying yesterday.

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