One More Absence And You Could Be Terminated

Posted on August 26, 2008
Filed Under Care, Firsts, Mistakes, Mitigating Symptoms, Things That Make Me Want To Cry, Todays Mood | Leave a Comment

my boss sat me down yesterday and gave me a formal warning about my attendance. in all honesty, i was kind of expecting something to be said about it due to the fact that i am frequently sick. the thing that really surprised me was that this entire time i thought that making up the time by working late the next couple of days or working on a saturday negated the fact that i was absent because i was getting my work done. apparently i was in the wrong. they want someone who consistently shows up to work every day. at this point with my current health status i dont know if i can do that and am really worried about losing my job. depression and immunity are intertwined and unfortunately very unpredictable - thats why its called a disability. they have asked me to get with my doctor and come up with a plan to help with the anxiety attacks (i think because they finally witnessed the full blown one last week) and come up with a plan to try and improve my health. last september my doctor told me that i should go to a rheumatologist because my sedimentation rate was high and i had been getting sick over and over again. i sort of stuck my fingers in my ears and decided that i just didnt want to know anything more about anything that could be wrong with me. its enough to have 4 major health problems, i dont need another one. but now i guess i am forced to find out what is wrong and come up with a plan to start feeling better. in all honesty i was hoping that they would just understand that immunity in depressed people is f uped and try to accommodate me by flexing my schedule when i get sick. i thought thats what they were supposed to do but in all honesty i am now swimming in unknown territory. i will play by their rules right now and provide them with the doctors information they are requesting since they have been so accommodating in the past. im just hoping that in the mean time, that if the “you have one more unexplained absence and your terminated rule” is just a threat and wont become a reality. its not like i am playing hookie here people, i have been legitimately sick. im never 100% even several days after a sick day. when i come in after being sick most people dont even want to be around me because i look and sound so horrible and they dont want to catch anything. im worried and dont know what to do. i will be doing some research on this level of accommodation because right now i know that my only weapon at this point is knowledge. i will share the information i have gathered with you bloggers because i GUARANTEE you, if you have depression, you WILL run into this issue at some point with your employer too.

Going Clothing Shopping With A Service Dog In Training Puppy

Posted on August 24, 2008
Filed Under Clubs And Organizations, Mistakes, Things That Make Me Smile, Tips and Tricks | Leave a Comment

went to the service dog club meeting yesterday. i was again amazed at how well liame ignored the other dogs.

we also went to the mall and i tried on some clothes at a clothing store. when you go to try on clothes with a young pup make sure you get a big wheelchair access room, the floor is clean (unless you want your dog to clean it for you and swallow pins), and your dog cant dart under the door. it takes me 3 times as long to try clothes on with liame than it does with jasper. jasper would just sit there and wait until i was done, liame can only sit for a minute or so and then has to try to clean the floor, pull the tags off the garments and lick my shoes. sometimes i cant help but laugh at his antics but other times they drive me crazy!!!

Full Blown Shut Down, Stare Into Space, Drunken Body Movements Panic Attack

Posted on August 22, 2008
Filed Under Care, Firsts, Jasper, Mistakes, Mitigating Symptoms, Things That Make Me Want To Cry, Todays Mood | Leave a Comment

i had an anxiety attack at work yesterday. i dont have normal oh my god im going to die, my heart is going to explode, cinematic anxiety attacks, i have shut down zombie stare at the walls, absolute brain and body shutdown attacks. i had no medication available since i took it to go to the dentist on monday and forgot to refill my bag and liame was not trained to help me like jasper is. when i finally made it to the ground liame came over to me, tried to play with me for a couple of minutes and then decided he had other things to concentrate on. it took me a long time to come out of it enough to be able to just pack up my things and head home. liame practically dragged me out of the building, stumbling and bumbling all the way like some drunk trying to walk the line. ive had attacks at work before but thanks to medication and jasper i have never gone into a full blown shut down, stare into space, drunken body movements panic attack. it was weird that no one said anything to me while it was happening but i could tell that people were staring. i still cant help but be embarrassed by it.

The Second Fear Period

Posted on August 19, 2008
Filed Under Care, Mistakes, Tips and Tricks | Leave a Comment

i think liame is officially moving into his second fear period. we went back to the dentist yesterday and liame was afraid of walking on the grates in the sidewalk. ive also noticed that he has started to show fear of jumping onto his step when getting out of the car. i now understand how frustrating this can be to have a dog that you trained and trained and trained to desensitize to EVERYTHING you could think of and to then have this irrational fear of something so familiar pop up. with the pigeon incident and now the fear responses to familiar items, i am now POSITIVE that its time to start wearing the bait bag 24 hours a day again. the bait bag pictured is in this post is the nicest i have used. its pouch snaps close, 2 pockets, rings where you can attach things to it and it goes all the way around a large womans waist. to my bait bag i attached a dog bag holder of which i am currently using to hold a bottle of soap since i have soap allergies, a clicker and i put a squeaker in the front pocket for those days when i cant seem to get his attention even with food. its the perfect little training utility.

Yet Another Blow

Posted on August 17, 2008
Filed Under Care, Jasper, Things That Make Me Want To Cry | 1 Comment

we were dealt another blow yesterday. jasper was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. for the last several months he has been panting without exertion. we thought it was the heat getting to him so we bought him an air conditioner so that he would be comfortable in the house during his retirement. a couple of nights ago, while the ac was running and it was a comfortable 72 degrees in the room, i saw jasper breathing fast while he was asleep. the same day, i noticed jasper coughing after he barked. having the semi quasi medical background that i do, i knew those symptoms meant that he probably had congestive heart failure and immediately made an appointment with the vet. his xrays confirmed that his heart was indeed enlarged and he had fluid in his lungs. the doctor said that if he didnt respond to the medication he had 3-6 months left but that if he does he could have 2 years. i really dont know how to feel right now.

Pigeon = Treat

Posted on August 14, 2008
Filed Under Firsts, Mistakes, Tips and Tricks | Leave a Comment

we did all this training to desensitize liame to other dogs but entirely forgot to desensitize him to the pigeons in downtown seattle. these arent your normal everyday birds that wont even get within 25 feet of you when you are walking with a dog, nooooooo these are seattle pigeons, birds that dont, make that WONT, move until the very last second, which would have been fine if i would have trained him while he was a little puppy that pigeons = treats from mommy but i didnt. so now, every time we see a pigeon, liames pray drive kicks in and he ends up yanking me around downtown. i was hoping i wouldnt have to keep wearing my training belt anymore but now i can see we have a lot of pigeon counter conditioning and desensitization to do. pigeon = treat, pigeon = treat, pigeon = treat for the next several months. argh.

Maybe He Will “Magically” Pick Up On My Mood

Posted on August 11, 2008
Filed Under Firsts, Jasper, Mistakes, Things That Make Me Want To Cry | Leave a Comment

i fear the dentist so much that i literally get sick the day before going to the dentist, the day of the appointment and the day after the appointment. i was tortured by my childhood dentist who would never believe me that one shot of novacane was never enough to dull the pain of the drill. normally i bring jasper with me even though i am medicated since he tends to provide a calming influence when i am panicked and can sit in the corner when i am not. i remember the last time i got a cleaning it started hurting a bit and i started to get nervous and hyperventilate. i had my headphones on and was trying not to go into full blown panic attack when the hygienist stopped what she was doing and tapped me on the shoulder and said, “your dog is acting funny”. i didnt have time to even respond to the comment because at that very moment jasper stuck his big old wet nose under my hand and forced it up in his way that says “pet me mommma”. i will never ever ever forget that moment for the rest of my life because he was never trained to respond to the type of panic attack i was having. i was having a heart racing, im going to die panic attack and he was trained to deal with the zombie panic attacks i normally have (where i dont freak out, i just shut down and stop functioning). although i didnt specifically train him for this type of panic attack, i think he was able to associate my normal pre panic attack behavior with this panic attack and respond in the manner he was trained to.

i took liame with me to the emergency dentist appointment i had today. i wish i could say that he did the same thing jasper did but he didnt. i went into full blown im going to die, crying like a small child panic attack mode and liame just sat in the corner doing nothing. liame did nothing because i havent trained him to do anything yet. most of the specialized training that i have to do with him cant really happen until he is a bit older. right now we are still working on dont eat everything you see on the sidewalk and dont jump up on people. according to the trainers i have spoken with at guide dogs, they dont start specialized training until around a year and a half old because they have to learn socialization and basic obedience in order to lay the foundation for the more advanced training requirements. in all honesty there was a little part of me that hoped that liame would somehow “magically” pick up on my panic attack without any training but obviously that was a foolish idea, these dogs really do need to be trained.

Canine Studies Here We Come!

Posted on August 8, 2008
Filed Under Class, Firsts | Leave a Comment

yesterday we went to our first canine studies class. liame did fairly well when it came to sitting by my side and calming down for the 3 hour long class. the teacher and i were very pleasantly surprised by his behavior since the last time we were there i couldnt keep him still. im hoping that liame being calm wasnt a function of him being exhausted from me running him around downtown in an attempt to find a bus to get me up to capitol hill and rather knew that since he had his vest on, he had better settle down. we will find out next week wether it was exhaustion or association. although i was relatively nervous to be in my first real class since leaving college i think i did a pretty good job of controlling the anxiety (although it did require medication since i also had a major dentist appointment the next morning). i left class feeling rather confused about learning theory i am hungry for more information, which tells me that i have finally found my calling.

Always End Your Training Session On A Positive Note

Posted on August 5, 2008
Filed Under Class, Tips and Tricks, Todays Mood | Leave a Comment

im trying to teach liame the “which hand” trick. i cant understand what i am doing wrong. he seems to want to slap his big old paw on any hand he can get to and sometimes hop up and hit both hands at once. this wouldnt be so much of a problem if he had soft nails, his paws weren’t the size of frying pans and i didnt have an allergy to dogs. every single time we play this game i end up with scratches and hives and wondering why in the heck do i keep trying to train this trick. yesterdays training session also cemented for me how much my mood is affected by this new little guy of mine. because he just couldnt seem to get it i was so frustrated at the end of our session that i didnt want to return to work or be near anyone. only after i calmed down did i remember that wonderful piece of advice from our 100 or so puppy classes, ALWAYS END YOUR TRAINING SESSION ON A POSITIVE NOTE. i forgot all about these words of wisdom because liame has picked up everything that i have trained him in a session or two (weve been working on “which hand” on and off for several weeks). remember if you dont keep your training fun and positive neither you nor your dog will want to continue.

Get It

Posted on August 3, 2008
Filed Under Things That Make Me Smile, Tips and Tricks, Toys | Leave a Comment

weve been working on the command “get it” during my lunch breaks. the get it command is a step in a series of commands i plan to eventually use to teach him to get my medication out of my bag for me. its been relatively easy to teach this command because he wants to put EVERYTHING in his mouth.
the training for this started with games of fetch and learning the touch command. fetch provided him with the base knowledge to retrieve an item and the touch command provided him with a target for his mouth. i chose a new toy to teach the get it command because i didnt want him to have to unlearn a previous behavior associated with his other toys. i chose the toy i did because it was part ball and part tug (a game he enjoys immensely).

we started “get it” off by placing him in a sit, telling him to leave it, throwing the ball and then me saying “OK, get it” while pointing at the ball. he ran over to the ball, immediately placed it into his mouth and ran around the room with it, not even thinking that i might want the item back. i let him get the novelty of the new toy out of his system said “liame come” and then “touch”. he came over to me, touched my hand, i clicked the clicker and he released the toy in anticipation of getting his reward. we repeated this game over and over and over, eventually removing the “liame come” and “touch” commands so that “get it” meant go over to the item and bring it directly back to my hand. i then transferred the game to another object so as to allow him to associate the get it command with multiple objects. first we used an empty pop bottle and then we used a large chunky highlighter (because it was the only disposable item lying around in the room i was in).
i dont know exactly how i am going to train the novelty behavior out of him but i know that it will diminish as he gets older.